The REAL Reason

I’m well into my third week here in beautiful Cuenca and boy, does it feel like I’ve been here an eternity. I’ve laughed and cried so much more than I’ve ever had in a span of two and a half weeks. Traveling sure does make you both doubt yourself and believe in yourself at the exact same time.

So. Many. Emotions.

Some of you may know my reason for coming here in the first place. It was to speak Spanish, and to work with children. What some of you may not know is the fact that on the first day, after I took my placement test, I had an interesting conversation with Maria, the school secretary. After she assigned me my classes, she gave me a welcoming smile and was about to send me on my way. That’s when I proceeded to ask her about the volunteer work I was supposed to be doing as well; the one that the study abroad agent and I had talked about via email; the one that had a big pull on my reason for choosing Cuenca above the other Latin countries. Maria looked at me funny and said there wasn’t anything in my description about volunteer work. What’s more interesting is the fact that she told me there wasn’t a street program at all. It didn’t even exist.

You know that saying that goes something like, “The worst thing you can do is nothing at all”

Mmmm I did the worst thing. I did nothing at all. Nothing!

And, come to find out, this was way more of a study abroad program than I had previously realized. Among the list of things to do included: a museum a week, cooking classes, dance classes, movie nights, and weekend excursions.

Not what I was expecting, but it all sounded so wonderful! So, why am I having so many doubts? Why on earth am I so homesick? Two months is NOTHING in the span of a lifetime. Yes, my heart is beating faster and my eyes sure are open wider than ever, but the whole brave bit….....God?

I’ve always had this idea in my mind that God’s work can be done anywhere. I mean…God is everywhere, and it’s evident in His creation: the people we meet and the natural wonders we see. If I wasn’t going to be working in the streets, there are more subtle ways I can be purposeful right?  

I had my first “purposeful moment” about a week and a half ago. Or so I thought. So I thought……

My host mom is a believer. That being said, she believes in God, but she doesn’t believe we need to read His Word – The Bible.  A couple of things she shared with me:

-The Bible is too subjective and too hard to understand. 

-I don’t believe in “sin” or “repentance" unless I hurt someone. Then, I ask him/her for forgiveness. 

-Church doesn’t interest me, because men have made it into something it's not. 

-We are here to enjoy life, to be happy, and to help others.

-I serve God everyday by what I do for students. I house them and feed them, and I enjoy doing it. This is my service to Him. And He is with me. (She absolutely rocks this)

My host mother is a philosopher to say the least. She has read several books about life, and how to be happy, but she doesn’t want to know what the Bible says because of its subjectivity. I love my host mom. She is wonderful and one of the most giving people I know. And in that moment, I wanted to tell her so many things. My mind was racing as I translated all my English thoughts into Spanish words. This was a God moment, and I remember standing there wondering what exactly I needed to say. I kept thinking about how I wasn’t prepared for this….how I needed to know more Spanish to go deeper (this was the first time I had a conversation like this in Spanish) and how I needed more Bible knowledge to prove it’s worth. Wait, I needed to prove it’s worth? Wait…that sounds all wrong….ahhhhhhhh WHAT AM I DOING???

And that is still my question. I asked myself the same question as I walked around the Quito airport wondering what I would do all night. And here I am again with the same question, still unanswered. Am I here to speak as much Spanish as possible and learn how to cook Ecuadorian meals while practicing my dancing skills as well? I’ve traveled before, so why is being here harder than any other place I’ve been to? Does that mean something is missing? Did my host mom hear me?  

The MAIN reason I came here was to practice Spanish while helping others.

Should have been the other way around huh?

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

-Matthew 28:19-20